The Miracle in July

Why do I always turn to
fear
calling at you
Why am I so cross?

[Re-sound] by [Cinnober]

Lumbering across oceans, time, and languages, up the stone path between the bare twin trees dressed in cantillating fowl, my obligations have come begging for my attention. They have pushed through the fog of my memories and into the swinging hinged slot in the door of my little Danish [hideaway]. Two cycles of setting suns and rising moons have passed since I've read any of Daniel's words. Instead I am satisfying the hungry machine I built on the bones of extraordinary love. I have contractual duties to fulfill and decisions to make, and the mechanics who keep the engine of my writing career running back home in the States need their paychecks. These responsibilities exist regardless of my current emotional and locational whereabouts.

The latest draft of the screenplay to The Miracle in July has arrived via International post, sent from the churning cogs of my comfortable Portland, Oregon office to my intimately stoic Scandinavian home, where [hygge] flickers in the flames of the tea lights placed throughout my living spaces. I am more than relieved to see the return address and the nearly finished draft; it is good for my muse. But even though the script is nearly perfect, I have fixated on a series of scenes which aren't working for me. My editor tells me just to approve it, and stop tinkering, and this irritates me. Can't he hear the words ringing in the key of trite instead of reverberating with utmost significance? I tinker more.

EXT. THANKSGIVING NIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR OF POPS' LOCKED HOUSE

MICHELLE, her GRANDMOTHER, and her eleven-year-old son RYAN anxiously wait in the courtyard. The neighborhood is quiet. It is unseasonably warm. There is a blue glow visible from an upstairs window. Michelle stands under the window, staring at it, while her grandmother sits crying in the car. Ryan leans against the car, eyes on his mother.

RYAN

How long until the police get here?

MICHELLE
(impatient)

I don't know. I called twenty minutes ago and it's a holiday. The dispatcher said not answering the door is not considered an emergency.

The grandmother's crying gets louder and she makes no effort to control herself. Michelle considers telling her grandmother off, but instead redirects her attention back to the window. Pops would want Michelle to be nice to the old lady, no matter what she'd done.

RYAN
(impulsive)

He's dead you know.

Michelle's eyes swing madly from the window to bore into Ryan's. For an instant she wants to run to him and backhand his face. The grandmother's crying turns into moans.

MICHELLE
(hissing under breath)

Shut up! Don't say that! How can you say that? What is the matter with you?!

Ryan's eyes fall and he gets into the car with his wailing great-grandmother. Michelle again turns her attention back to the glowing window. She is looking for the shadows of movement. Michelle remembers the last time she saw her father, four days earlier.

CUT TO:

EXT. [OREGON FOOD BANK] PARKING LOT — EARLY AFTERNOON

Michelle and POPS have been installing vinyl signage to the doors of delivery vehicles. Pops is showing Michelle how to apply the sticky plastic letters and symbols to the doors. She is learning how to do this so she can take over the labor part of his sign business. She will do this in her off-time and for no pay.

Pops' health has been failing rapidly and he recently lost a big client for botching a job. His hands shook too much. Michelle is thankful that Pops is letting her help him.

MICHELLE

Hey, thanks again for teaching me how to do this stuff. I'm not too bad, am I? It feels like I'm getting the hang of it.

POPS

You're getting there. Except while you were peeling the tape you left a big bubble in the vinyl. Out of the way, please, and hand me the poker. The master will show you how it's done.

Michelle sighs and hands Pops a SILVER METAL TOOL the size of a pen with a sharp pin at the end. She watches him poke tiny holes in the vinyl's bubble. He coaxes the air gently from the holes, then smooths the section down with an ACRYLIC ROLLER. Michelle sees that his hands are shaking slightly. This is the first time in many hours that he hasn't been able to hide it.

Even though he has excused himself occasionally (which Michelle suspects he does to cry or to have one of his mysterious eye-bulging, tongue-tied seizures), Pops has looked really good all day. He is wearing his nice jeans and a black leather jacket. He could use a haircut — his hair is curling around his ears — but in general he looks pink and healthy. Michelle knows it is a lie.

POPS

See? Look at that! A perfect application. The old man's still got it! Let's wipe this down and call it a day. I've got
a date tonight with a pretty lady I met at my blues club. And get this: she's got a hot tub!

MICHELLE
(smiling)

Okay, Pops. But first tell me when we can do this again. I'm serious about this, you know. I'll do whatever you
need me to do. And I don't want any money. You've got to keep all of it and go back to the hospital. Did you apply for that medical insurance program I told you about? Did you ask Grandma to help you buy that [sleep Apnea] machine? Did you —

POPS
(snapping)

Yes, I asked her. She said she couldn't spare the $2,500.

MICHELLE
(quietly)

We both know that's not true. Maybe she's mad? About our reaction to the truth about her boyfriend?

POPS
(subdued)

I don't know, Michelle. But I think so. I still can't believe she's defending him, that she let him live with her and sleep in her bed. It's just so uncharacteristic and...shocking. Knowingly bringing a pedophile — a repeat offender — into the house where her grandchildren visit is just mind blowing. Worse is that she feels we're being unreasonable. I just don't know what to say to her on Thanksgiving. You'll be there, right?

MICHELLE

The only reason I'm going is for you, but I'll only bring Ryan if Grandma's boyfriend won't be there.

POPS
(squeezing her hand)

Thank you. He won't be there. He's still in jail for violating his parole. She's evicted the lady who turned him in. Did you know that? Grandma defended herself for keeping her boyfriend's secret from her upstairs tenant. She keeps saying "He's served his time. I don't understand why everyone is so upset!"

MICHELLE

Jesus! How did the tenant find out?

POPS

The lady called me and told me she didn't like the way grandma's boyfriend was looking at her granddaughters when they came to visit her on the weekends. She called the police and found out he'd just served 20 years. She's very upset about the whole thing, and being kicked out of her apartment on top of it. I know Grandma's been trying to get him released because she's asked me to make phone calls on his behalf. I almost hung up on her. She does have the money for the machine, because she's willing to pay any bail amount.

Pops turns away abruptly, effectively ending the conversation. Michelle knows there are tears in his eyes as he trudges heavily toward his truck.

POPS
(over his shoulder)

We'll talk later, alright? I've got my date now. See you at Thanksgiving!

MICHELLE
(yelling at his fast-moving back)

Okay, Pops! I'm bringing pie! Homemade pumpkin!

CUT TO:

INT. MICHELLE'S LIVING ROOM — MID-MORNING PRESENT DAY

Michelle is talking to Daniel on her LAPTOP with a MICROPHONE HEADSET. They have been talking for several hours.

MICHELLE

Pops was a victim of fraud. It happened during my first year in college. I knew something was wrong but he wouldn't tell me anything for about a year, and then nothing specific for several years. I found out everything when I settled his estate after he died. It was all spelled out in hundreds of pages of court documents. It embarrassed him to be scammed. He had checked the books and the public records religiously before investing his house and everything else he owned in that marble business. He was a thorough numbers man, but there were two sets of books, and already a string of suckers in California and Arizona.

DANIEL

Fucking bloody Bob Saget! Honey, I can only imagine the devastation this had on his pride. But why invest so heavily?

MICHELLE

His health was failing, even then. He had a long list of pre-existing conditions and almost every insurer refused to cover him. Those who agreed to cover him wanted more than a thousand dollars each month for very little coverage. And he owned too much stuff — a house, a truck, business tools and supplies — to qualify for medical benefits through the government. He thought this would be a way to finance his road to recovery. And he wanted to send me through college.

DANIEL

Why are Americans so afraid of socialized medical insurance? Why are there so many preventable deaths in the States every year? Every single day? It is deplorable and shameful. This is not the way a civilized society behaves!

MICHELLE
(quietly)

I tried to do everything I could. Daniel, I begged him to let me help him. I wanted him to sell his house and come live with me. He was stubborn and so independent.

DANIEL

I know, baby. I know you did everything you could. But how is it that you've come into this money? Explain, please.

MICHELLE

When Pops died I became the Personal Representative of his estate. Ruthie was already back in Las Vegas. She left a couple of weeks before Pops died — and he gave her all the cash in his safe — so I took it on. From then on I kept my grandmother out of my life as much as possible. I just hunkered down and did it. It took me almost two years to liquidate all his assets. He had a lot of assets, but no money, and was hundreds of thousands in debt. He had 28 active revolving credit accounts, using credit from Peter to pay Paul, and Paul's checks to pay Peter.

DANIEL

This is heartbreaking, sweetheart. I'm so sorry.

MICHELLE

In Oregon the Representative is paid for their work based on a fixed percentage of the value of the total estate. That came to about four grand but after the debt was discharged there was nothing left. Most of the creditors got nothing. I got nothing. Until now, baby. Now I get something. A lot of something.

DANIEL

Details! How did Pops' misfortune became our good luck?

MICHELLE

Instead of paying me money, because there was none, the courts awarded me his restitution from the fraud case. I think no one expected any money to come from it. I certainly didn't. But I had a feeling the other day, honey. I had a dream. In it Pops was there with me at the theater. All my friends were there, you were there, and so was my father. It was a vaudevillian performance. There was a damsel in distress in white ruffles, a blond, stupid hero who loves her, and a bad man dressed in black tails and tall top hat, and a wickedly thin mustache that curls at the ends. During intermission Pops turned to me and said, "You've forgotten the [locket] I gave you. It's the only thing I have to give you."

DANIEL

A locket? Anything inside the locket? What does a locket mean?

MICHELLE

I don't know if there was something inside. I don't remember looking. I was just glad he was there. He wasn't alive, he wasn't breathing, but he was there with me again. And when I took the locket from his shaking hands I noticed my shortened finger had healed. My finger was whole again. Perfect. The shock of it woke me up and I almost immediately had the idea to call the clerk's office handling the estate.

DANIEL

I'm still waiting for the story behind your finger, you know. I want to know all the pieces to your past, how you became who you are. When are you going to tell me?

MICHELLE

I will tell you all about it when I get to Denmark. When I am laying in your arms I will tell you all my secrets.

DANIEL

I can't wait, my love. I will make the scars and hurt go away with my kisses. It will be bliss. Now tell me, how did there suddenly get to be money in this restitution account? The criminal have a change of heart?

MICHELLE

God no! While Pops was still alive that asshole had tried to discharge his debts to his victims in bankruptcy court. This is something you absolutely cannot do, but he tried anyway. This time he tried something similar by petitioning to reduce the amount owed. At twelve percent interest I can understand why — it's a ridiculously huge amount of money at this point. And while his case moved through the courts he was required to make regular monthly payments into the restitution account. When he lost he stopped making payments and the money was divided among the victims. I got Pops' share.

DANIEL

And it's enough to come and live with me a couple of weeks?

MICHELLE

Yes! I am coming to stay with you. I will come and meet your children and your parents and Søren. I will sleep with you in your bed and make you food and hold your hand while we watch movies and eat junk. Like a regular couple. Are you ready for me, Daniel?

DANIEL

I've been ready for you all my life.

So long ago, when Daniel and I were first falling in love, our online affair was reminiscent of a 14th Century knight pledging protection to his maiden, bringing her honeysuckle and writing her sonnets describing her beauty in longing detail. Our erotic stories and photos, our [expression of love and hopes] through the tools found on the Internet, our love of music — soaring, thumping, crashing, tinkling music — replaced the sweet smell of honeysuckle and the long-ago poems of courtly love. Our price for the agony of separation and our epic journey to be together was like a [toll for the brave]. And now our bittersweet suffering and my beloved Pops' death would not be in vain.

I mailed Daniel a package, my first ever International mailing, containing the following items:

• Used copy of the book [Herb n' Lorna] by Eric Kraft, with a [Queen Shelley] card stuck between two pages to mark where I had inked black hearts and the beginning and end of my [favorite passage].
• New copy of Stephen King's short story collection [Everything's Eventual], an upgrade from the used copy requested by Daniel because none could be found in Denmark.
• New copy of [Fugitives and Refugees: A Walk in Portland, Oregon] by Chuck Palahniuk
• Brochures detailing the art, historical specialness, and beer, wine and lodging amenities at several McMenamins locations. Daniel especially wanted to have a shot of Jäger and smoke cigars in [Kennedy School's Detention Bar].
• The white and rust [stone] I found on the sands of Hug Point beach on the Oregon Coast.
• Fresh organic mocha coffee beans from Ladybug Coffeehouse, where I spent many hours chatting with Daniel on weekends, often sending him photos of the [latte foam art] and special [seasonal hand pies].

I remember when I first heard Daniel's baritone accented English, the way he'd laugh at my jokes and tell me all the things we'd do and places we'd go when we were finally breathing the same air. From that moment on I desperately craved the sound of his voice. I also remember how Daniel would be both adorably shy and cuttingly abrupt during these conversations. He never uttered the words "I love you," and neither did I. And I began to notice the faintly repetitive whine of an unpleasant truth as Daniel and I continued to spar and negotiate the confines of our online existence, as it did in one of our many Internet chats on the subject.

Daniel: BABYLUV!!!
Me: BABYCAKES!!!
Daniel: CUTIEPIE
Me: SNOOKUMS
Daniel: I missed you somfin terrible
Me: really??
tell me how much
Daniel: yeah
gigantimundo
Me: wow! thats a lot!
Daniel: from here to the moon and back
Me: thats a lot, too
so answer me this:
how come Lily gets to hear your voice when I've been asking for WEEKS?
MONTHS?
YEARS?
Daniel: lol
Me: okay
I'm slightly exaggerating
Daniel: c'mon baby, can we talk now?
Me: No. I'm writing our next [erotic adventure], silly. I'm planning something special.
And I'm too busy for the real you right now
I'm projecting our future
To make it come true
Daniel: Lily couldn't sleep — I'm afraid I kept her up 'till really early in the morning.
I DO wanna talk to you
Me: Why don't you then?
Daniel: I dunno...
Me: afraid of me or somefin?
I know it's inconvenient being strapped to the puter
it drives me bonkers
Daniel: you can call me too you know? I'll answer — 'course I'm not afraid. I can handle you.
I'll call you
I will
promise
last time we could've talked you were in Seattle remember?
And when it's late over there, I'm at work.
How about Thursday
I'm on vacation
Me: Thursday when?
you have the whole week off?
Daniel: yes
I'm making a movie tomorrow and friday but thursday I'm home with the kids. So that'll be your wednesday evening
at 11, that's my 8
Me: sure, babe. do you think I'm being a bitch?
Daniel: yes
hehe
Me: come on, seriously?
Daniel:
you're my bitch — you could easily have called me and you didn't — I
ask you why? I know you've wanted me to call you, but I'd like hours
for that, and I haven't had the time, but we can do that if you want —
call for 15-20 minutes.
if you want
or on weekends
I think we just have to get to that point where that's what we do — no?
Me:
I think there is an issue of me still not wanting to bother you...ever.
I am unsure of boundaries in general in romantic relationships, and here we have
this physical separation and time difference and busy careers.
Well, your busy career. I'm still languishing in this cubicle
living vicariously through your successes
until I have my own.
And I only know what I want from you...and then I wonder if I'm crossing boundaries.
I need help with assurances from you.
Daniel:
look, we just need to agree on 'terms'. I need to know exactly what you
expect — I can fulfill everything if only I know. And bothering me will
never be an issue. So there — assured?
Me: terms?
Daniel: yeah, I dunno — probably not the right word
*plays the foreigner card*
Me: Ha! <3
I guess I am under the impression that my needs would magically be met, and that you'd instinctively know what my needs are.
how
childish of me. then again, I have been asking for short talks and emails to
relieve the pressure of being in front of a computer for our long chats
I love them, but it's hard. Can't we transition?
Please tell me: What are the magic words?
Daniel: you needn't any magic words now baby
I'm hearing you and reassuring you.
And you're right — again.
Can't tell you how annoying that is! Hehe
Me:
=) I want to be the best gf you've ever had, love. I don't want to
screw this up, and that's possible no matter what you say.
Daniel:
lets just call it beginners trouble — over now, bygones — having a long
distance relationship is not something we've had before — there are
bound to be some misunderstandings and such
Me: we need to move toward something closer to a "living in the same city" feeling between us. you know?
Daniel: yeah — how best to do that? let's hear your ideas.
Me:
Remember how you felt when you received my package full of physical
objects from my life? How it filled in more about me and my life? That
card I sent you, stuck in the book, you said you get hard looking at
it, holding something I once held. It brings another piece to the image
of me in your heart.
I want postal mail and things from your
neighborhood. We need more emails and less dependence on instant
messaging. Record yourself talking to me. Send random cell photos of
the people you hang out with and movie sets you work on.
This little messaging window is too small for our boundless love.
And I want to know [what you been up to]. Please?
Daniel: ok
I hafta figure out how to send cell photos. We tried that once before and nothing ever came through, remember?
Thank
you again for the package. I was so excited to get it at the post I
wanted to open it right then. But I waited, like a good boy
until I got home
Me: it's the idea of it, you know?
of
being there with you and you being here with me. I want to feel
included in the everyday boring shit. And, ahem, I'd send you stuff
like that all the time if I wasn't so busy trying to be intrusiveness
in your life.
See what I mean? I want you to act the way I cant seem to act...wtf?
Daniel: lol, I'll try babe
Me: I will too
you know, I think I'm a relationship moron. I'm much, much better at just being someones lover.
Daniel: I love you no matter what darling — you know that don't you?
You're with me at all times
the stone you mailed me from your beach trip is in my pocket — it's with me wherever everywhere I go.
when I miss you most I hold it tight in my hand and rub it with my fingers.
It's beautiful and unique, just like you
Me: But — please excuse my insecurities, I just need to know — do you think you'll eventually get bored of you and me?
because of the physical space between us?
we have a long road to face before we'll be together, passport en route or not
Daniel: I have no doubt in my heart that I will never.
never get insecure about me, please

As I read the words which I typed to my Viking lover a lifetime ago I see the dichotomy in my fears. Daniel was a virile man who dearly loved women, and yet had pledged himself to me, a woman whose skin he'd never tasted and whose naked body had never pressed against his. I trusted Daniel's fidelity but wondered if the intrinsic value of our relationship — the beautiful color and shape of our yearning — was where the real treasure was held. Once we became flesh-and-blood lovers and consummated our union, would things change?

And I worried about our continuing methods of communication. We both preferred the long Internet voice chats and instant message conversations — the real time conversations — far more than emails and postal mail. Hearing, seeing and talking to each other was heaven and as close to traditional as we could get. But that meant hours tethered to an electrical outlet, and we often argued about sticking to the rules we set for ourselves, our agreement to lessen the dependence on being online constantly.

"[Don't forget to love me]," he would say.

"I will never forget you, Daniel," I said. "And once you've kissed me, once I've met my new family and eaten the food that your mother will make in my honor, I will never be forgotten. I will live forever in your heart."

"You're already in my forever heart," he retorted. "No, after you get here and I have you next to me, what changes? Only the missing dimension is added. You become whole."

Daniel: When did we start dating?
Me: Do you mean "dating" or dating
Daniel: lol
They're one and the same now
I had a special feeling about you from the beginning, love
And I want an anniversary day
Me: It was in July
Hold please, I'll check my calendar
Daniel: God
I'm in your calendar
Me: Shut it, Viking
Daniel: She’s so fine She grows in their minds They look into her eyes And feel so surprised As she crawls under their skin They’re ready to die for [The Miracle in July]
Me: The Miracle in July
Daniel: you know it
Me: no
Our first date was July 11th
Daniel: She speaks no words But they know what she says Just by looking into her eyes It’s just a God given gift That they instantly get Just by looking into her eyes They don’t have to wait for her no longer They don’t have to wait for her no more
Me: You know July is an important month for me
Daniel sends the miracle in july.mp3
Me: YAY
Daniel: a song about you
my love
my miracle
Me: waiting for our paths to cross, learning the lessons I needed to learn first, was completely worth it
You're worth it
Daniel: I'm a cheesy romantic
Me: I LOVE that about you
Daniel: yeah?
Me: oh yeah, another thing about you that I really needed in my man
and it was already part of the package
built in
Tell me. Are you nervous?
Daniel: Me? Nervous?
You know I never get nervous, and I never stress out
Yes, I am nervous
You are coming to Denmark
You will meet the family and Søren
And I will feel your fabulous lips on mine
I love you, my Miracle in July

I left my Portland home for my Denmark home on October 17th, just 15 weeks after Daniel and I first made love on a virtual train bound for [Venice]. We were the Most Beautiful Couple in the World in our spacey existence, enveloped in a certain magic that just had happened to come our way. But did we have what it takes to follow our bliss?

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The Miracle in July is the work of author Michelle Anderson.